Małżeństwo - powołanie drugiej kategorii - MamySie.pl
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Małżeństwo – powołanie drugiej kategorii

To jak postrzegamy instytucję małżeństwa, pokazuje jak wygląda nasze własne małżeństwo. Pokazuje nasze motywy do jego zawarcia, motywy jego utrzymania i w końcu – jego jakość lub bylejakość.

Powszechność

Tylko nieliczni, wybrani, najlepsi oddają się Bogu niepodzielni, idąc do zakonu lub seminarium duchownego. Małżeństwo jako powołanie określane jest jako powszechne, czytajmy: dla większości. To „dla większości” przywołuje skojarzenie jednorodnej masy, przeciętności, bylejakości.

Jest cicho i dość ponuro jak na lipcowy parny dzień. Dwoje ludzi idzie obok siebie ze spuszczonym wzrokiem. Nie patrzą na siebie. Ich przestrzenią życia stały się płyty chodnika, a świat istnieje wokół nich jakby z definicji. Idą zamyśleni. Nic, poza słowami przyjaciela obok, nie wskazuje na to, że idą razem: – Nie chcę brać ślubu, aby żyć tak jak oni, rozumiesz?

Eksperci od spraw cielesnych

Deklaracje o małżeństwie są wzniosłe. Schodząc jednak niżej, do sfery rzeczywistości i naszego codziennego życia, jest już gorzej. Rozwijanie tematu o małżeńskiej relacji nierzadko przywołuje zawstydzenie i mówienie przyciszonym głosem, tak jakby sprawy małżeństw były niestosowne i niewygodne. Bo w relację małżeńską wpisuje się seks, o którym nie umiemy rozmawiać. Seks jednak nie jest brudny. Ciało nie jest brudne. Dobrze byłoby odczarować zarówno język używany w sferze seksualności oraz myślenie na jego temat.

Rozmowa jak każda inna. Spokojna i leniwa. Przy herbacie z cytryną.
On już powinien się ożenić. Ma tyle lat. Potem żony nie znajdzie, a przecież jest przykazanie „nie cudzołóż”.

Czy zatem małżeństwo to jedynie ubranie w formę moralności sfery seksu?

Pokuta sumień

Pokutuje w nas przeświadczenie, że małżeństwo jest łatwiejsze od kapłaństwa. A to bzdura, bo na małżeństwie buduje się rodzinę – podstawę społeczeństwa. Pokutuje w nas stereotyp żony, wiecznie chcącej pieniędzy, i męża – wiecznie chcącego seksu. O małżeństwie myślimy jak o transakcji „coś za coś”.

To jak postrzegamy instytucję małżeństwa,
pokazuje jak wygląda nasze własne małżeństwo.
Pokazuje nasze motywy
do jego zawarcia,
motywy jego utrzymania
i w końcu – przyczyny
jego jakości lub bylejakości.

Pokutuje w nas przeświadczenie, że małżeństwo to utrata wolności, podczas gdy sami wchodzimy w zniewolenia. Pokutują w nas filmowe wyobrażenia małżeńskiego życia – samo się ułoży, będzie pięknie, długo i szczęśliwie. Pokutuje w nas w końcu myślenie, że małżeństwo to koniec – naszego rozwoju osobistego, czasu dla siebie i pasji.

To „pokutowanie” do niczego nie prowadzi. Dopiero uporanie się z własnym wyobrażeniem o małżeństwie, często także uporządkowanie relacji we własnym małżeństwie pozwoli nam na rozprawienie się z wypaczonym postrzeganiem.

To jak postrzegamy instytucję małżeństwa, pokazuje jak wygląda nasze własne małżeństwo. Pokazuje nasze motywy do jego zawarcia, motywy jego utrzymania i w końcu – jego jakość lub bylejakość.

Małżeństwo nie jest powołaniem drugiej kategorii. To wielka przestrzeń do rozwoju, jakiej nie ma się w pojedynkę. Szkoła nie-egoizmu. Kurs komunikacji. Warsztaty cierpliwości. I wszystko za darmo. Może dlatego, w świecie zdominowanym przez pieniądze, mniej cenione. Certyfikat jasno czytelny: szczęście.

Patrząc na małżeństwa wokół, na swoje własne, mam ciche marzenie, że kiedyś moje dziecko powie, że chciałoby tworzyć małżeństwo takie, jakie tworzą jego rodzice. To największa ambicja mojego serca. Ale także chyba – największy i cenny prezent dla dziecka. Dobre małżeństwo to czytelna miłość dwojga ludzi dla wielkiego świata i mikro-świata, czyli rodziny. Rewolucję małżeństw można zacząć tylko w jednym miejscu. We własnym domu.

Marlena Bessman-Paliwoda
marlena.bessman@gmail.com

Jeśli podoba Ci się tekst, podziel się nim ze znajomymi. Dla mnie to jak zapłata za moją pracę :) Dziękuję!

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163 komentarze
  • Vandrer Uggle
    Posted at 21:31h, 02 stycznia

    Szczególnie ten fragment jest cudowny: „Pokutuje w nas przeświadczenie, że małżeństwo to utrata wolności, podczas gdy sami wchodzimy w zniewolenia. Pokutują w nas filmowe wyobrażenia małżeńskiego życia – samo się ułoży, będzie pięknie, długo i szczęśliwie.Pokutuje w nas w końcu myślenie, że małżeństwo to koniec – naszego rozwoju osobistego, czasu dla siebie i pasji.”

  • Guest
    Posted at 22:16h, 02 stycznia

    Cały tekst jest dogłębnie pokazujący rzeczywistość. Wszystko, o czym piszesz spotykam każdego dnia. Słyszę często: „Mariola, jak wyjdziesz za mąż, to dopiero się przekonasz co to jest życie. Już nie będzie tak pięknie jak teraz. Taki jest 'life’. Potem już tylko praca i dzieci.” Zastanawiam się wtedy skąd bierze się ta opinia. Czy małżeństwo naprawdę jest tak okropne? Czy ludzie rzeczywiście biorą śluby, bo kobiety chcą przeżyć piękną ceremonię w białej sukni, a mężczyźni 'nie mają wyjścia’ ?
    Marlena-poruszasz temat istotnie zmieniający losy świata. Mi podoba się również to stwierdzenie: Dobre małżeństwo to czytelna miłość dwojga ludzi dla wielkiego świata i mikro-świata, czyli rodziny. Podpisuję się pod tym w 100%. Dobre małżeństwo to najpiękniejszy prezent dla dzieci, którego nic nie jest w stanie zastąpić. Dobrze,że podkreślasz to, co ważne i co nie przychodzi samo, lecz o co warto się postarać, walczyć każdego dnia.

  • Mamy się
    Posted at 22:23h, 02 stycznia

    W małżeństwie jest dużo walki, aby to, co najważniejsze, było jako „najważniejsze” traktowane.

  • Mari
    Posted at 22:26h, 02 stycznia

    Domyślam się. Chyba problem jest w takim nieuświadomieniu… I myśleniu,że „samo się ułoży, samo się zrobi”….

  • M.
    Posted at 23:54h, 03 stycznia

    Bardzo cenną myśl zawarłaś w ostatnim akapicie – myślę, że to rodzice w największym stopniu kształtują nasze wyobrażenie o małżeństwie. Obecnie w Kościele, literaturze, Internecie możemy znaleźć wiele cennych myśli zupełnie innych niż filmowe wyobrażenia takich, jak ta poniżej:
    „W pew­nym sen­sie małżeństwo
    przy­pomi­na so­lid­ny złoty ze­garek dzie­dziczo­ny od po­koleń.
    Pat­rzy się na niego i się go po pros­tu ma, ale można mieć też
    zwyczaj­ny, ku­piony za 20 do­larów ze­garek kwar­co­wy, zro­biony
    z gu­my i plas­ti­ku, który nie wy­maga ani czyszcze­nia, ani
    przecho­wywa­nia w spec­jalny sposób, a prze­cież chodzi
    re­wela­cyj­nie. Taką złotą piękność trze­ba codzien­nie nakręcać,
    re­gulo­wać, a raz po raz za­nosić do zegarmistrza, żeby przeczyścił
    mecha­nizm… Ta­ki piękny ze­garek to oczy­wiście rzad­kość, ale
    prze­cież gu­mowy i tak chodzi le­piej, nie wy­magając przy tym
    żad­ne­go zacho­du. Kłopot z ze­gar­kiem dwudzies­to­dola­rowym po­lega
    na tym, że pew­ne­go dnia po pros­tu przes­ta­je działać.
    Można go wówczas tyl­ko wyrzu­cić i ku­pić no­wy.

    ” (Jonathan Carroll, twórca fantastyki)

    Moja Babcia błogosławiąc nas przed ślubem powiedziała o małżeństwie: „To piękne, ale i trudne” – myślę, że jest to proste streszczenie powyższego cytatu, być może dla mnie szczególnie istotne ze względu na Autorkę.

  • Mamy się
    Posted at 14:50h, 04 stycznia

    Piękne i trudne. Najlepsza definicja małżeństwa. Co do cytatu…nawet jeśli samemu dostaje się zegarek za 20 dolarów, warto go traktować jak taki bogaty. Kiedyś się obudzimy i na ręku będzie już ten złoty. Cytat z książki „Śpiąc w płomieniu” – dopisuję do listy książek do przeczytania:)

  • Introversja
    Posted at 22:51h, 04 stycznia

    Chyba zbyt bezmyślnie wchodzimy w utarte schematy, nie dając nic z siebie. Przecież małżeństwo to MY,może być takie jakie chcemy, by było. Związek dwojga ludzi zawsze jest trudny, ale to nie znaczy że ogranicza czy jest niepotrzebny…

  • Mamy się
    Posted at 22:37h, 05 stycznia

    Małżeństwo niestety często wygląda jakby przekroczyło się magiczną granicę, za którą nie trzeba się już starać. A tym bardziej powinniśmy…witam Cię serdecznie!:)

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