Czy małżeństwo robi z nas lepszych ludzi? - MamySie.pl
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Czy małżeństwo robi z nas lepszych ludzi?

Małżeństwo to jedna z tych kategorii życia, w której automat nie działa. Problemem jest to, że oczekujemy, że akurat w naszym małżeństwie automat będzie działał, że coś się samo zrobi i my będziemy lepsi. Inni nie, ale my – owszem, nam się uda. Koniec końców, nie robimy nic, aby lepszymi się stawać. Stanie w miejscu sprawia tylko, że się cofamy. 

Kilka dni temu na profilu bloga na Facebooka (na który zapraszam) zapytałam czy zgadzacie się z tym, ze małżeństwo czyni lepszym człowiekiem. Odpowiedzi były skrajne i wcale mnie to nie zdziwiło. Każda opinia zależy od naszych doświadczeń, obserwacji i poglądów.

małżeństwo czyni człowieka lepszym

Czy małżeństwo czyni nas lepszymi? Wasze opinie

  • „Moim zdaniem nie. Małżeństwo uczy pewnych nowych zachowań, postawy kompromisowej czy pokory, ale jeśli nie wchodzisz w nie szczęśliwy sam ze sobą, to szczęśliwszym nie będziesz, jeśli nie jesteś dobry dla siebie, to lepszym nie będziesz. Często zdarza się, że ludzie wchodząc w relacje chcą uzupełnić swoje deficyty z przeszłości, dzieciństwa. Źródłem szczęścia w każdej relacji jesteś TY sam. I warto sobie to porządnie przepracować przed budowaniem jakiegokolwiek związku”. ~ Dorota
  • „Nie do końca. Świadomie przeżywane może tak. Ale w tym sformułowaniu kryje się też pułapka, w jaką wpada wiele osób, mianowicie: „jak się ożeni, to się odmieni”. Jeśli ktoś uważa, że małżeństwo będzie lekarstwem na jego lub partnera problemy ze sobą, to może się sparzyć, gdyż po ślubie często pojawiają się one w intensywniejszym wydaniu, wzmagane trudnościami życia małżeńskiego. Generalnie zasadą jest ponoć – najpierw praca nad sobą, potem nad związkiem”. ~ Tekla woła
  • „Małżeństwo wymaga kompromisów i zmian w sobie”. ~ Agnieszka
  • „Chyba zależy z kim i z jakiego powodu bierze się ślub… Miłość sama w sobie zmienia postrzeganie wielu spraw, więc pewnie może zmienić człowieka na lepsze. A czy samo małżeństwo? Trudno powiedzieć”. ~ Maga Gama

Automaty nie działają w małżeństwie

Małżeństwo to jedna z tych kategorii życia, w której automat nie działa. Problemem jest to, że oczekujemy, że akurat w naszym małżeństwie automat będzie działał, że coś się samo zrobi i my będziemy lepsi. Inni nie, ale my – owszem, nam się uda. Koniec końców, nie robimy nic, aby lepszymi się stawać. Stanie w miejscu sprawia tylko, że się cofamy. Zatrzymujemy się po ślubie, sądząc, że sama instytucja małżeństwa przeniesie nas na wyższy poziom. Tak jednak nie będzie.

Możliwości – małżeńska szansa na zmianę

Nie mam jednak wątpliwości, że małżeństwo daje możliwości do zmiany w sobie i zmiany siebie. Już wcześniej w tekście „Małżeństwo – powołanie drugiej kategorii” pisałam, że małżeństwo „to wielka przestrzeń do rozwoju, jakiej nie ma się w pojedynkę. Szkoła nie-egoizmu. Kurs komunikacji. Warsztaty cierpliwości. I wszystko za darmo”. W małżeństwie jest się niejako skazanym na obecność drugiej osoby, życie w relacji z drugą osobą. To rodzi szansę. Problemem jednak wydaje się być wyobrażenie o małżeństwie: żona w kuchni, mąż przed telewizorem, proza życia, nuda. Taki obraz małżeństwa pokutuje w wielu ludziach. Często dlatego nie widzimy możliwości rozwoju i zmiany samego siebie poprzez małżeństwo. Bo jak zmieniać się, kiedy sama nasza relacja bardziej przypomina mur niż most?

Remont małżeństwa

Warto się go podjąć. Słusznie jednak zauważają wyżej cytowane Czytelniczki – taki remont nie ma sensu, kiedy nie pracujemy sami nad sobą, kiedy jako jednostki się zapuściliśmy. Nie twierdzę tu, że trzeba być ideałem, aby rozwijać się przez małżeństwo. Trzeba jednak chcieć zmiany w samym sobie.

Marlena Bessman-Paliwoda
marlena.bessman@gmail.com

Jeśli podoba Ci się tekst, podziel się nim ze znajomymi. Dla mnie to jak zapłata za moją pracę :) Dziękuję!

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113 komentarzy
  • Ewa Olborska
    Posted at 19:46h, 15 września

    W pełni się z Tobą zgadzam. Małżeństwo daje szansę i przestrzeń do stawania się lepszym, ale to od nas zależy, czy z niej odpowiednio skorzystamy. Samo się nic nie wydarzy. Ślub nie jest magicznym machnięciem różdżki, które przemienia i idealizuje wszystko.
    Małżeństwo samo w sobie nie czyni nas lepszymi, ale prawdziwa miłość małżeńska już chyba tak. 🙂

  • Agnieszka
    Posted at 20:04h, 15 września

    Ogromnie się cieszę z tego postu, bo jest w mojej tematyce 🙂 Małżeństwo jest ogromną szanse na zmianę zarówno na lepsze jak i na gorsze. Na lepsze bo jest w stanie wydobyć z nas ogromne pokłady dobra, cierpliwości, miłości, odpowiedzialności, które budują nie tylko naszego małżonka ale i nas bo, wydobycie tych zalet sprawia, ze staja się one naszą częścią, nami samymi.
    Na gorsze, bo jeśli dokonaliśmy złego wyboru małżonka, to zamiast trwać w konsekwencjach decyzji, w wyborze niedoskonałej miłości, niedoskonałego człowieka, zdarza się ze dokonujemy wyboru zgorzknienia i agresji jawnej bądź ukrytej, skierowanej na tą drugą osobę i/lub na nas samych.
    Podsumowując: Tak małżeństwo to szansa!

  • Marlena | Mamy się
    Posted at 01:11h, 16 września

    Bez działania małżonków samo magiczne słowo „małżeństwo” nic nie da, otóż to!

  • Young Wife
    Posted at 13:01h, 17 września

    Dla mnie? Jak najbardziej, nawet nie małżeństwo, a sam związek. Dzięki mojemu Mężowi jestem mniej nerwowa i wulgarna, a bardziej spokojna i opanowana. Częściej potrafię przyznać się do błędu i pójść na kompromis. Dzięki Niemu rozwijam swoje pasje, walczę o marzenia. Jeśli kogoś małżeństwo nie czyni lepszym człowiekiem, to znaczy, że nie trafił na tego, kto mógłby to zrobić 😉

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    Można powiedzieć że czyni lepszym jako motywator do rozwoju siebie. Pracowania nad cechami niedopracowanymi i robienia tego dla tej drugiej osoby.

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