Objawy kryzysu małżeńskiego - MamySie.pl
Jak rozpoznać czy to już kryzys, jakie są jego objawy i rodzaje. Kryzysy małżeńskie mogą być dobre lub złe. Zależne jest to od tego, co je powoduje.
kryzys w małżeństwie, jakie są objawy kryzysu małżeńskiego,
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Są dwa rodzaje kryzysu małżeńskiego: kryzys wzrostu i kryzys rozpadu.

Objawy kryzysu małżeńskiego

Kryzys w małżeństwie to coś, czego każdy chciałby uniknąć. Raczej nie chcemy się dobrowolnie wystawić na jego pastwę i nawet jak wspominamy o kryzysach innych to mówimy przyciszonym głosem. W głowie pojawia się tylko myśl: Oby nas ominęło. No cóż, prawda jest taka, że i nas, i Was to nie ominie.

Kryzysy to naturalna kolej rzeczy

Trafiłam ostatnio na fajną książkę o zwyciężaniu kryzysów małżeńskich. Jej autor, ks. Stanisław Orzechowski, z wielkim spokojem i dystansem pisze, że kryzysy po prostu będą: „Kryzysy w małżeństwie i rodzinie są zjawiskiem niemal normalnym, pojawiają się zawsze, nawet w najlepszych związkach. Aby małżeństwo przetrwało, potrzebne są dwie rzeczy: świadomość, że kryzysy będą i że można je przezwyciężyć.”

Wniosek: kryzysy wystąpią w małżeństwie. To normalne. Wszystko rozbija się jednak o to, jaki kryzys się zaczyna. I tu niestety trochę teorii, ale krótko 🙂

Rodzaje kryzysów

Są dwa rodzaje kryzysów: 1. Kryzysy wzrostu i 2. Kryzysy rozpadu.

I tych pierwszych Ci życzę, tym drugim zamykajmy drzwi przed nosem. Kryzysy wzrostu pojawiają się jako naturalna kolej rzeczy, w efekcie naszego małżeńskiego rozwoju. Znowu wspomnę księdza Orzecha, bo on tu daje trafny przykład.  U dziecka ząbkowanie jest normalne i zdrowe. Po prostu przychodzi taki czas, że przebijają mu się ząbki. Nie jest to przyjemne ani dla malca, ani dla rodziców (o, tak!). Aby jednak dziecko mogło funkcjonować normalnie (jeść, przeżuwać) musi to przejść. Ząbkowanie to taki jego kryzys wzrostu – bolesny, ale rozwojowy, dający coś na przyszłość, co będzie mu potrzebne. Kryzysom wzrostu nie trzeba przeciwdziałać. Inaczej ma się sprawa z kryzysami rozpadu. One są wyniszczające i ich każde małżeństwo powinno unikać. Jakie są jednak oznaki tego, że stoimy na progu kryzysu?

Oznaki kryzysu

Pierwsza i podstawowa oznaka – czujesz, że ta ukochana osoba nie jest już jakby tą najważniejszą. Czujesz, że jest daleko. Tak już jest, że im bliższa była ci dana osoba, tym po oddaleniu wydaje się być najbardziej obcą. Przekłada się to na:

  • „Płytkie rozmowy” – najczęściej tylko na tematy dotyczące organizacji domu,
  • Rozmowy z pośrednikiem – tutaj posłańcami stają się dzieci: „idź powiedz ojcu/matce…”
  • Obwinianie tylko jednej strony, współmałżonka za przeżywane problemy,
  • Unikanie się – brak wspólnie spędzanego czasu (tu w zastępstwie przychodzi telefon, telewizja, hobby),
  • Uciekanie przed byciem tylko we dwoje, brak zbliżeń
  • Niechęć do rozmowy, nerwowość
  • Nieuczestniczenie w życiu małżonka
  • Życie własnym życiem, czyli tak jakby nie było się w małżeństwie: podejmowanie decyzji bez rozmowy z małżonkiem.

 

W każdym kryzysie przyjmie to inną formę, może nawet inaczej się zakamufluje. Grunt to nie uciec od kryzysu, a zawalczyć o to, co ma sens – o siebie nawzajem, o małżeństwo. Trudne to, zwłaszcza, kiedy stajemy w obliczu kryzysu w praktyce. Staje przed nami mur jakby nie do przeskoczenia. Doświadczenia małżeństw za nami, obok nas pokazują, że można ten mur przeskoczyć.

Z kryzysów wychodzi się z ranami. Jednak z czasem one się goją i stają się bliznami, które przypominają nam, że jesteśmy już silniejsi.

Na piątek przygotowałam wpis z filmami z kryzysem małżeńskim w tle. Jeden z nich skradł mi serce. Zapraszam!

Marlena Bessman-Paliwoda
marlena.bessman@gmail.com

Jeśli podoba Ci się tekst, podziel się nim ze znajomymi. Dla mnie to jak zapłata za moją pracę :) Dziękuję!

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90 komentarzy
  • Kasia Zamieszana
    Posted at 11:08h, 13 kwietnia

    Chyba wiem czyją książkę będę musiała przeczytać:) Czekam na piątek:)

  • yakie-fayne.pl
    Posted at 11:34h, 13 kwietnia

    brrr u nas na całe szczęście nie ma większych kryzysów, czasami chcemy się pozabijać ale po każdej kłótni potrafimy wrócić do siebie wygadać się i zawsze trzymamy się razem 🙂 Gdzie on Gajusz tam i ja Gaja 😉
    pozdrawiam

  • Ewelina Mierzwińska
    Posted at 18:04h, 13 kwietnia

    Z góry przepraszam jeśli kogoś, lub bezpośrednio Ciebie Marleno, tym urażę, ale zawsze zastanawiało mnie jak wiele klerycy mają do powiedzenia w sprawach, o których mają jedynie teoretyczne pojęcie 😉

  • Marlena Bessman - Paliwoda
    Posted at 21:49h, 13 kwietnia

    Na pierwszy rzut oka – masz rację 🙂 Jednak na samym końcu wygrywają w konkurach: wychodzą z rodziny to raz, a dwa: mają wiedzę o życiu innych na tej samej zasadzie jak psycholodzy, ze zwierzeń, terapii, rozmów. Stwierdzenie, że w kwestii rodziny i małżeństwa księża to tacy psycholodzy bez żony jest tu adekwatne:). Idąc np. na terapię do świeckiej osoby, nie wiesz jakie są jej relacje rodzinne, małżeńskie itp. Bazujemy wówczas na wykształceniu i praktyce zawodowej. Kapłani też je mają (tu myślę szczególnie o księżach z wyksztaceniem kierunkowym, mających pracować w poradniach rodzinnych).

  • Marlena Bessman - Paliwoda
    Posted at 21:50h, 13 kwietnia

    I niech tak zawsze będzie 🙂

  • Ewelina Mierzwińska
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    Tak, zdaję sobie z tego sprawę, mimo wszystko jednak zawsze pozostaje we mnie pewna wątpliwość 😉

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