Trzy decyzje, które musisz podjąć w małżeństwie - MamySie.pl
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Decyzje w małżeństwie to chleb powszedni.

Trzy decyzje, które musisz podjąć w małżeństwie

Kiedy już jesteśmy w małżeństwie, to świat wygląda zupełnie inaczej niż przed ślubem. „Bo myśleliśmy, że jest inaczej”. Decyzja o wejściu w małżeństwo, decyzja wyboru tej jedynej osoby, decyzja o ślubie to dopiero początek „decydowania”. Decyzje w małżeństwie to taki chleb powszedni, może nie zawsze jest on świadomie zjadany :). Na pewno te trzy decyzje są konieczne dla małżeństwa i to nie tylko przed jego zawarciem.

Trzy decyzje w małżeństwie

1 | Kocham.

To dość osobliwy temat. Miłość kojarzy się głównie z patrzeniem sobie w oczy, gładzeniem po buzi, szarmanckim odnoszeniem się do siebie dwojga ludzi, którzy świata poza sobą nie widzą. A tu zonk! Oczywiście wszystko to jest elementem miłości, ale wcale nie takim, który jest konieczny. Miłość to decyzja. Nie jest to uczucie, wbrew temu, co często się powtarza.

Wbrew pozorom jest to bardzo dobra wiadomość dla ludzkości :). Uczucia mijają. Złość, którą czujesz, kiedy mąż zaplamił świeżo wyprasowany obrus (a-ty-nie-znosisz-prasować-obrusów) minie. Zdenerwowanie, kiedy żona zarysowała samochód przy parkowaniu, też minie. Miłość z kolei ZOSTAJE. Ona z założenia ma-zostać. Zostaje, nie mija, nie wypala się własnie dlatego, że miłość to decyzja, którą trzeba podjąć.

Tak, będę Cię kochać do końca moich dni, z Twoimi wadami i zaletami. Biorę ciebie całą. Biorę cię całego. Nawet jeśli będzie to trudne.

 

Trzy decyzje, które w małżeństwie trzeba podejmować niemal każdego dnia. Miłość, Przenaczenie oraz wierność w małżeństwie.

2 | Przebaczam.

Żeby nie było, że jestem taka mądra: dla mnie ogromnym szokiem było to, że przebaczenie jest decyzją. Jeszcze kilka lat temu przebaczenie było dla mnie pojęciem ze słownika i terminem, którego używa się omawiając przypowieść o synu marnotrawnym. Miałam wiele zranień, ale nie wiedziałam, że muszę podjąć decyzję, że przebaczam, że chcę się od tego uwolnić. W sumie – nie wiedziałam, jak to zrobić.

Całe szczęście jeszcze przed ślubem zmierzyłam się z przebaczeniem w moim życiu. Mogłam dzięki temu na „czysto” wejść w małżeństwo, ale – co istotne dla tego artykułu – nauczyłam się przebaczać na przyszłość, tzn. przećwiczyłam to, aby umieć robić to w małżeństwie.

Teraz nie będzie łatwo: przebaczenie jest decyzją, czyli nie musimy CZUĆ, że oto nie mamy nic do drugiej osoby. Przebacza się mimo bólu, mimo zranienia czy urazy. Znowu: nie jest to uczucie, jest to akt naszej woli:

Chcę Ci przebaczyć. Może będzie bolało, będę czuć zawód, niezadowolenie, ale przebaczam Ci.

 

Przebaczenie, miłość i wierność w małżeństwie.

3 | Jestem wierny. Jestem wierna.

Ha! Nie zdradziłam nigdy swojego męża, nie miałem innej kobiety poza moją żoną, więc jestem wierny. No dobrze! (W sumie: genialnie, bo to oznacza, że jesteś słownym człowiekiem, a może nawet więcej). Wierność w małżeństwie to nie tylko fizyczna wierność jednej osoba, którą wiąże się ze sferą intymną. Buuu! Teraz się zacznie.

Wierność ta dotyczy także codziennych spraw, a dokładniej:

  • stawianie granic sobie samemu, swojej ukochanej osobie, rodzinie, z której się pochodzi,
  • trwanie przy ukochanej osobie w trudnych momentach (nawet w momencie mierzenia się z nałogami),
  • bycie szczerym wobec siebie i ukochanej osoby,
  • brak zdrady emocjonalnej z inną osobą,
  • brak nałogów (np. pornografia, alkoholizm,…)
  • czystość intencji – niechęć do manipulacji, która ma „skłonić” ukochaną osobę do określonego działania, którego sami nawet nie chcemy, a pożądamy.

Drugi raz dzisiaj powołam się na tekst Biblii, bo to najlepsze podsumowanie to tej części: Kto w drobnej rzeczy jest wierny, ten i w wielkiej będzie wierny; a kto w drobnej rzeczy jest nieuczciwy, ten i w wielkiej nieuczciwy będzie (Łk 16, 10).

Przebaczenie jest jak lek. Dopiero po jego zażyciu wyzdrowiejesz.

Kochać, przebaczać, być wiernym

Kiedyś mądra kobieta powiedziała mi, że małżeństwo potrafi być krzyżem, jeśli nie przez całe życie, to chwilami. Czasami człowiek chce się spakować i…nie, nie, to nie ten scenariusz.  Życie to nie jest serial. Tu podejmuje się realne decyzje: kocham i będę kochać, przebaczam i będę przebaczać, jestem i będę wierna.

Która z tych trzech decyzji jest najtrudniejsza? Którą z kolei (może z pozoru) łatwiej jest podjąć?

 

Dołącz do wyzwania: „Mała droga do lepszego małżeństwa”.

Trwają ostatnie dni zapisów 🙂

Kliknij w zdjęcie po więcej szczegółów 🙂

Poprawa, ocieplenie relacji w małżeństwie w czasie wyzwania. Wyzwanie dla małżeństw (mała dorga do lepszego małżeństwa), edycja 2.

Marlena Bessman-Paliwoda
marlena.bessman@gmail.com

Jeśli podoba Ci się tekst, podziel się nim ze znajomymi. Dla mnie to jak zapłata za moją pracę :) Dziękuję!

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    Przepiękny wpis. 🙂

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    Wpis bardzo mi się podoba choć nie do końca się zgadzam. Chodzi o miłość 🙂 W psychologii rozgranicza się uczucia od emocji. Złość, gniew czy smutek to emocje nie uczucia. Te drugie to np. miłość bądź nienawiść. Przynajmniej z punktu widzenia psychologii 🙂 Ja natomiast uważam że prawdziwa miłość to Pan Bóg. Jest tak przecież napisane w Słowie Bożym. Pozdrawiam serdecznie i dziękuję za wpis 🙂

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